invisiblelad:

I spent the better part of an hour last night talking with a guy from Michigan who was quite nice until he informed me in all seriousness that racism was “not a big deal” anymore.

Being a.) a sociologist who had the hour prior finished a lecture on the primary theoretical perspectives  b.) a black man who has spent his life either being a “token” or conspicuous for being “middle class” and black and c.) having parents that grew up in the South during the Civil Rights period and graduated from segregated high schools - I found myself gradually taking more and more personal exception to his case that the only thing that mattered was social class.

He then went on about how racism was this distant magical idea that never happened anymore. (“Hi. Welcome to the South.”) I was sitting with a friend who generally suffers fools less well than I, who shot me a look of amused disbelief as we both tried to make respectful cases for how race was a real and meaningful concept that still carried weight. But considering he “didn’t see color” he adamantly pressed that none of this was relevant and that “most everybody felt the same way”. I remember thinking, then saying “I wish I lived in your head.” As he pressed that most people were classists and not racist.

I made a point to suggest how race and class were conflated in the minds of many people so the two statuses tended to conform to create even more powerful biases, my friend pointed out that him not seeing race was noble, but the rest of society still did and considering it was an aspect of ME that was important, it was dismissive and a little shitty to pretend this social construct that defines me was not valid when it was. It was a strange(er) part of the conversation that made me instantly tired. 

I referenced Peggy McIntosh’s “Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack of White Privilege” and explained a situation where my obliviousness to how being male in our patriarchy made me absolutely unaware of odd and anxiety causing situations my female friends could sometimes find themselves in. And then gently steered the conversation back to the one we were discussing on how we lived in a “post racial society”.

By then, he was willing to concede that in Michigan I would be considered not of “the neighborhood”. By then he explained that the black people he knew would have considered me “not down” [my parahprazing] because I speak (well) and was dressed professionally. This was about where I found myself losing my temper. He mentioned how “stupid” white people who talked “like that” were, and said he was infinitely more disappointed with white people who “talked ghetto” than he was with black people who did. “This is because we expect white people to sound ‘educated’ and find it ‘impressive’ when black people do.” By this point everything he was saying was a roundabout way of indicating his bias without him even seeing it was there. I found myself regarding him unflinchingly, trying to find ways to be civil and explain my case, still feeling annoyed and bothered that I felt weirdly compelled to have this conversation in the first place. (Some people get to talk about movies)

It was then I realized that I didn’t have to “make a case” for his, at this point, willful ignorance, and I didn’t have to entertain it. I got up wandered into the bar dazed and a slightly disappointed and regretted having the better part of an hour on the conversation. But mostly, I felt incredibly tired.

I seriously applaud you for keeping your cool. I think my head would have exploded when he got to the whole “talking ghetto” portion of the conversation. With people like that, you’re just wasting your time and patience. It’s not that they don’t “see” racism, they don’t want to see it. The definition of racism they have is a bunch of white men in white robes burning crosses on Black people’s lawns and bombing black churches. They think that racism today only entails white people saying “n****r” and Black people saying “cracker”. (Because those two words carry the exact same weight. /sarcasm)

If they actually took the time to realize that racism has a much broader definition, they would then have to examine their own actions. In doing that, they’d then realize that they have done and continue to do some very racist things. They don’t want to do that. Admitting you’re wrong takes a lot of courage and most people just are not willing to do it. They would rather wallow in their own ignorance and continue to believe they’re being the perfect liberal/ally/person/whatever. The only thing you can do with that type of person is walk away. You’ll make more progress talking to a brick wall.